Every tribute entering the games gets to bring a tribute token; which is something to remind them of home. When I first started to think about what I would take, I had no idea. I have never been one for physical memories or keepsakes, but I knew for my family’s sake I would have to take something. I didn’t want to wear to a necklace or a pin because those seemed too over-used. I was hoping I could take one of my dads lucky watches but I didn’t think it would be allowed. This was truly a harder decision than I anticipated. I expected to just pick something to wear and that would be the end of that, but it couldn’t be that easy. Since I’m going to be stuck in an arena fighting for my life with other kids, I need something to remind me of home. I need something to hold on to so I don’t lose myself inside that arena. When I decided what I was going to take as my tribute token it seemed stupid. I ripped off a bit from my lucky shirt and tied it to my wrist. I would have taken the whole shirt but you have to wear a special uniform the gamemakers design. This bit of cloth would be the only thing keeping me myself in the arena, but I can also have a double use for it. If isn’t confiscated from me I can use it as a good tool in a pinch. When I absolutely need a fire but don’t have any tinder to start it with, I can burn the cloth. Though it would be destroying the one thing I had from home, it could also be the reason I make it home.
I think this piece did not show instead of tell. You didn’t use any descriptive adjectives, like describing how the cloth from your shirt felt. To improve next time, use good adjectives that give the reader a clear idea of what you are writing about.
I liked reading how you decided on you tribute token, I would also have a hard time deciding what u should take from home. “This bit of cloth would be the only thing keeping me myself in the arena,” I only wish that you would describe your favorite shirt, since it is the one thing that you decided to bring with you to the arena. “Though it would be destroying the one thing I had from home, it could also be the reason I make it home.” This is a really good way to conclude your writing, it makes it seem like choosing your token is a HUGE responsibility. It brought together your entire piece.
I think that you didn’t use any sensory details and mostly told and didn’t show. I like your closing sentence because it really wrapped the piece up nicely. I think that to improve it you could use more figurative language next time.